Caged Heat
by Kiwisilence
Summary: A parody of "women in prison" films and Young Justice. Artemis is sent to prison for conspiring with female!Wally and Megan to ruin Aqualad's relationship. Crack!fic Artemis seeks revenge on the JL, but also love? Why is Red Tornado dressed as a woman?
1. Good Role Models on the Stairs

Disclaimer: I definitely do not own Young Justice and as always, this is un-betaed. This fic is pure crack. Nothing should be taken seriously.

Warnings: suggestive dialogue.

* * *

"She was such a sweet girl."

"No, she deserved prison for what she did. How dare she?" The two guards stopped talking, staring at the girl they were escorting.

Artemis Crock, 18-year old archer and now criminal exited the door with her head down and with the cold feeling of handcuffs on her arms. Her hair was unwashed and wiry now, for she had gone through days of interrogations and torture from the Justice League, or what was left of the League. The League was made of nothing but men now.

Artemis looked up towards the peaceful clouds adrift over Happy Harbor, savoring the memory of this place for one last time. As she watched the clouds that slightly eased her nerves, her former teammates gathered at the bottom of the courthouse steps along with the reporters. Batman had told the Justice League that he didn't want reporters here to make it into a high-profile situation, so of course he alerted not only the Happy Harbor press, but the press of every major city in Rhode Island. Batman had an ego and a love for fame, which made Artemis laugh as she looked back down towards the people waiting to hound her.

"Artemis, artemis. Why did you do it?"

Artemis motioned the guards to stop.

"I didn't do anything wrong. I'm going to jail only because I'm a woman and I swear that even if it takes the rest of my life, I'll break out and get revenge. When I joined the Justice League, I thought that I belonged to something good. I thought I was just. I was wrong. The League is made of male-chauvinists who either enslave or eliminate female superheros so they can create a wacked out gay-utopia."

"Did your hatred of homosexuals cause you to try to seduce Superboy even though he was clearly in love and destined to be with Aqualad?" A short, mousy looking reporter chirped at Artemis. Somehow the reporter's response oozed of nothing but fangirl-adoration for Aqualad and Superboy being together yet held a venomous twang when it was directed at Artemis.

"I'd like to clarify two things. I do not hate homosexuals. I'm supportive of them. That wasn't the issue."

Clark Kent cut Artemis off, bellowing, "We all know why you're saying that. What about that rumors that you've formed a lesbian romance with fellow conspirator Wally West, who has only been recently discovered to be a woman?"

Muffled laughter could be heard, but Artemis couldn't pinpoint its source in the crowd.

"That leads me to my second point. I did not commit the supposedly 'heinous" crime of seducing Superboy. There was no plot, nor was Wally involved. I did not know that Wally was a woman before the trials."

Another reporter yelled at Artemis, but she continued standing confidently. "You did confess in court. Your teammate and Green Martian M'gann M'orzz shifted into your form for your testimony. So, yes you did confess, you heartless bitch."

"You know, when I was being interrogated, at first, I hoped that only the Justice League was corrupt and comprised of idiots. Now I know that it's the press and the people, who were never worth saving. Megan assumed my form and testified for me because Batman offered her a reduced sentence. I never confessed."

Artemis finished her statement by promptly spitting at the reporter who has just yelled to her. Her deadly archer accuracy assured its success, hitting and splattering across his face in slow motion, because it was more dramatic that way.

The guard behind her branded his baton and swung it against her face, but just like when Artemis' spat at a reporter, it happened in slow motion so that my viewing audience could see the baton slowly nudge up against her face in a suggestive manner.

"Oh, that was just hot," whispered one of the gang of schoolchildren who stood by the stairs waiting to catch glimpses of their favorite heroes.

"She corrupting the youth!" several reporters shouted in unison.

The guards pushed her, forcing her to descend the stairs towards the male members of her former team.

Robin was the first to speak up, screaming loudly enough for the reports to hear, despite that he hypocritically said he didn't want them to. "You knew this whole time, Artemis. You knew that I liked Wally. Maybe even loved him, before I found out that he was a girl! Do you know how sick that is? A girl! I'm pretty whelmed right now!"

"Artemis," Kaldur started in a dramatic lisp, "You would never have gotten away with this. Stealing my man? You're lucky I can't gut you here. Oh wait, I can."

Kaldur pulled out a knife, stabbing Artemis. Kaldur kept the knife stuck in her side, posing at different angles while holding it for the photographers.

Jimmy Olsen, who had came with Clark Kent to report on Artemis, waved his hands to get Kaldur's attention. "Aqualad, take the knife out and I think it'll be better if it is re-stabbed into her legs. Yes, that's it. Work it! Make me feel your hatred. Yes! Now do one where you're punching her and kissing your fiancée, Superboy. Yes!"

Artemis was sprawled out on the ground bleeding and slipping into unconsciousness, but the reporters had moved on to film Clark Kent undressing Batman on the stairs while sharing a hot, passionate kiss.

"Those are some good role models." barked the reporters in unison again, but this time with absolute seriousness. Several of them started drooling and whipping out notebooks to write their own fanfiction inspired by Clark Kent and Batman.

The two guards who were supposed to have delivered her to their vehicle for transportation an hour ago finally picked her up and threw her in the back of a dirty van with her fellow convicted conspirators.

Wally held Artemis in his arms, looking over to Megan, "Do you know what prison we're going to?"

The driver of the van cut off Megan from responding, "It's a top-secret prison in the Philippines. It's all women, all lesbian, and filmed 24/7. Get ready to never see your loved ones again and for the regular steamy group shower scenes." The driver licked his lips, cackling at the girls.

Even though their male teammates had betrayed them, the three girls knew that they would get out. They were convicted criminals and would remain so until the Justice League had been destroyed. Only then, would they be the victors and be able to reshape society, but for now, they trembled. Wally and Megan locked eyes, both afraid and mildly titillated as the van drove to an plane destined for the Philippines.

* * *

The girls going to a prison in the Philippines is inspired by the movie "Prison-A-Go-Go!". The idea of a female Wally in this fic is an homage to Go Go Gadget Slash's fic "Wally Not Wallace." Additionally, the title is taken from the movie "Caged Heat."

Anyway, what other women should be included at this prison? Who should the warden be? What pairings do you want so see?


	2. My Sister is Dating a Robot?

Warnings: Mocks mpreg! Innuendo and kissing but nothing graphic.

I do not own Young Justice. If you have issues with this fic, PM me. I can easily edit it. Lol.

* * *

Artemis was led down the hall, watching around her as packs of vicious, feral women drooled and reached out from behind their cell bars to leer at her. It didn't help that instead of being given an orange jumpsuit, Artemis had been forced into wearing a skimpy skirt and a bra. Even Catholic school girls had dignity compared to her right now. The other prisoners watched her hips shift sensually as Artemis stomped model-esque down the hall.

Suddenly, the guard escorting her shoved her into an open cell, quickly locking it as another guard stood ready with an assault rifle in case Artemis attempted to escape (nevermind that the rifle wasn't practical).

Artemis turned around, meeting the face of her new cellmate. "It can't be… Cheshire?"

"Yes, little sis."

"I'm not your sister, psycho." Artemis did another eye-roll. She had only rolled her eyes thirty times while walking down the hall to her cell, so she felt like she needed more for that extra dramatic flare.

"Yes, you are. It would have been revealed in a couple of episodes, but you just had to ruin the show didn't you, Artemis."

"What do you mean? You're the one who told me now instead of waiting for that future episode."

"It's my fault that you're experiencing a raging sexuality crisis and had to betray your team. Anyway, look at our cell."

Artemis studied the cell, paying little attention to the naked women sprawled out on the floor. She also didn't remark on the beer bottles spread around the room.

"It's quite comfy," Cheshire purred, before kicking the women to get off the floor and leave her cell.

"You too?" Artemis didn't quite know how to ask if Cheshire preferred women, but since this is a parody, she should have just assumed.

"Yes, Artemis. I'm into women now." Cheshire stuck her tongue out, making it slither quickly in a suggestive manner that repulsed Artemis.

"What about Roy?"

"What about him? Oh wait, I'll copy your eye-rolls?" Cheshire rolled her eyes, then her head, before collapsing onto her bed laughing.

"You said I was supposed to find out we were sisters in a couple of episodes from now. But weren't you supposed to be dating Roy or at least have some kinky on-again/off-again fling with him? Then get knocked up?"

"I tried, Artemis," Cheshire sat up in her bed, faking tears, "I tried so much…I even made a pregnancy pact with Talia."

"I'm too tired to deal with this. What happened? Because I know I wasn't the one to screw that part of the show's plot up."

"Okay. It's my fault. I tried flirting with him, groping him, tying him up… Well, anyway… Apparently he doesn't love me. He's involved with your mentor Green Arrow and is pregnant. Yes, male pregnancy…we have that in this story now. Even though neither Green or Red Arrow have any magical ability, somehow our favorite little firecrotch got preggers."

"What?" Artemis shouted in disbelief, hoping that wherever the hidden cameras were in this cell, she would be given more screen-time.

"Would anthrax be a good gift?" Cheshire stood up, pondering about what to get Roy for his baby shower. "Babies like that, don't they?"

"Just stop this. I just got here and need to learn how to survive." Artemis tried standing taller, placing her hands on her hips.

"Oh…yeah. Well, now that you're here, we can form our own Vietnamese gang."

"That just sounds racist."

"What? You think your little ginger and Martian friends will stick around? Kid Flash will be a skinhead by the end of this week!" Cheshire stabbed Artemis with a chopstick, not caring if she was being stereotypical in all the worst ways. She was too hot of a femme fatale to care anyway.

Before Artemis could pull the chopstick out and fight back, a mysterious woman swept into the room, shoving Cheshire against the wall in a heated kiss. The woman was wearing a guard's uniform, but Artemis had thought that only men had guarded the prison. Cheshire and the woman started undressing each other, grinding, kissing, and licking until their love-session ended abruptly with both of them screaming.

The mysterious woman got up towards the cell door, turning around to give a goodbye kiss to Cheshire.

It was...Red Tornado! In drag! With one amazing hair flip with his blonde wig, Red Tornado sped away, making unintelligible beeping noises of excitement.

"Red Tornado? And how did I not realize that when you were both naked? How could I think a naked Red Tornado was a human woman…" Artemis looked away, pondering her stupidity.

"And she…he…it is so good!" Cheshire sung at the top of her lungs, causing legions of women in the surrounding cells to moan as a twisted form of background vocals.

Artemis continued focusing on what she had just seen. Why couldn't she find someone to love her?

Suddenly, Megan appeared in the center of the cell without any explanation to why she had appeared. Artemis sensed an epic plot hole that might unravel the film, but discarded that thought when Megan began to speak.

"Hello Megan! Why didn't I see this before. You're single because you're a bitch, Artemis."

Cheshire cut in, but didn't try contradicting Megan, "It's true. You're so uptight since you came here even though it's only been 10 minutes. We really need to set you up with someone."

"But that probably won't happen…" Megan looked over to Cheshire.

"Yes. But she'll at least have to flirt with the warden if we ever have any hope of getting out of the prison. But that's like five chapters away…"

Megan cheered up, licking her lips, "Let's bring Red Tornado back in here!"

"You weren't even here when that happened!" Artemis threw a pillow at the Martian, before the three started up a pillow fight that lasted all night and was filmed and later released as a softcore porno. All in a good day's work.

As she tried sleeping, Artemis murmured, "Wasn't I supposed to be getting revenge on the Justice League?"

* * *

AN: Again, this fic keeps going downhill in all the worst ways (or the most ridiculously immature ways?). Anyway, suggestions on what other women should appear in this are always open. The idea of Roy/Ollie is an homage to the fic "Fixing the Bow" by Aurora Bluewolf.

Who thought I would include a Red Tornado pairing in this?


	3. Cooked Sue and a Curse

I love writing poorly yet purposely. It's the highest form of catharsis. Doesn't that sound serious? Lol.

* * *

Artemis lifted the mysterious meat to her mouth, basking in its smell. It reminded her of her mother's famous roast.

"Mmm…nothing like Mary Sue for breakfast."

The blonde returned the fork to her plate, picking up more of the meat decorated with shards of bones. Artemis had not expected prison food to be so...five-star and delectable. As she swallowed Cooked!Sue, Artemis could almost feel her skin becoming revitalized. Eating Mary Sues made her irresistible; all the other girls would be jealous of her looks now. The blonde almost felt like adding ten last names onto her own name, but chocked it up to the euphoria of her meal.

"Arty, stop with the boring inner monologues," Cheshire flicked some of her food at Artemis' face. "We're scheduled for an epic fight today. Oh, there's a new girl here."

All of the women in the cafeteria stopped eating, watching the new girl stroll past the tables towards the lunch line. The new girl sashayed past them even more intensely than Artemis' entrance into the prison, making the archer feel inadequate in comparison.

"Wasn't I the new girl like five minutes ago?"

"Just shut up and let us stare!" Cheshire hollered, stabbing Artemis with a plastic spork. The plastic broke off into shards in her hand, but Artemis returned to gawking at the new girl, too busy to care as blood oozed up form her wounds.

"Teekl?" Megan shout out, waving her hands, for she was unsure if she had guessed the new girl's name correctly.

"Yes. I'm a woman now!" The former cat drawled as she placed grasped her hips with her hands.

"Don't you mean 'I'm a human now'?"

"I was always human. I just got a traditional back-alley magical sex-change before being arrested." Teekl rolled her red eyes and did a little shimmy, causing Miss Martian to drool even more than when she had spied on Kaldur and Conner...and plotted to kill them.

Megan launched her arms into hugging Teekl reassuringly, but the rest of the table noticed her possessive, amorous intentions. There was way too much passion in their embrace…

Artemis finally picked the plastic shards out of her hand, throwing them like ninja-stars at Cheshire's head. Before Jade could retaliate, Black Canary waddled into the cafeteria.

"Look…it's Black Canary!" Megan gasped before returning to rip off Teekl's clothes.

"Oh yeah. I'm scared!" Teekl's human mouth shrieked but began purring at Megan traced her neck in tender kisses.

"What's with Black Canary anyway?" Artemis turned towards the warden, who appeared as a giant bird thundering through the cafeterta. Several tables and people were trampled by the bird's weight, but nothing out of the norm was happening.

"She's cursed, Artemis," Jade picked the plastic shards out of her head, "She's cursed with…heterosexuality!"

A resonating gasp could be heard throughout the cafeteria – how could a straight woman exist among them? Several of the prisoners inched away from the bird monster, afraid of being contaminated by her preference for men. Canary's sharply pointed beak might change them...

"But wasn't I supposed to flirt with her? Some plan, Jade."

"Let me continue…only a kiss from her true love can break the curse and turn her back into a sexy dominatrix lesbian. Fishnets and all."

"I'm her true love?" Artemis gulped, her eyes widening for perhaps the tenth time during their meal. The cameras quickly zoomed in on her, so she did a complimentary hair flip.

"Yes, Artemis. One kiss on her beak can cure her – unless she doesn't peck you to death first or regurgitate you so her young can eat."

"She has children now?"

"Artemis, get with the story and stop doing hair flips!" Jade flipped her hair even more dramatically than Artemis before resting her hand across her chest in an alluring model-like pose.

"Okay…so I have to kiss her?"

"Yes, preferably in the next chapter so we can steal the keys that are stitched into her body. She's like the gatekeeper from Oblivion – hey, I know what that is."

"Where's Wally anyway?"

Teekl finally broke apart from Megan, panting, "Wally's got a conjugal visit."

"With who?" Megan whispered as she began nibbling Teekl's ear.

"Let's all just go and watch," Jade beemed, before launching herself into another catfight with Artemis. As the two girls rolled around on the floor and stabbed each other with plastic forks and spoons, Megan and Teekl returned to making out. Black Canary squaked in the background, diving into a nearby table as her beak grasped Wonder Girl.

"No wonder she hasn't appeared on the show yet," Artemis declared, but no one around her responded, so she returned to kicking Jade's ribcage. Eventually, the two women would look past their confines of their roles as sisters and unleash the budding tension between themselves...

Wonder Girl was slowly and painfully eaten, causing the cafeteria to resonate with her screams...well, that would have been heard if Teekl hadn't been putting on a show for all the other girls by causing the Martian beneath her to moan.

Unbeknownst to the Young Justice rejects and even the writer behind their crack-fic, a mysterious figure spied on the girls as they partied and made out throughout their day. Her frail body was draped in a tattered grey cloak, but the girl ignored the severe contrast between her clothing and that of the prisoners; she also ignored the designer logos on her stereotypical, knock-off witch attire.

Only one girl in the prison knew her identity and that prisoner was distracted by the smothering yet intoxicating kisses of Teekl...

Megan' childhood imaginary friend, made real through the unconscious power of the Martian's telepathy, had returned to kill her maker...and share a heated kiss with current redhead with her.

Wally West stirred by her side, trailing her backside with kisses and bites. Little did Wally know (or little did anyone care), that Megan's imaginary friend was actually a man, who had been sent to stop the girls from escaping...or something dramatic.

"Your skin is so soft..." Wally moaned against the imaginary friend's skin, not noticing that his kisses had began sucking the being's form like a spectre into his mouth. Suddenly, the rest of the imaginary friend's body flowed through Wally's pores, quickly overwhelming and possessing the speedster.

"Your body," he began speaking through Wally's mouth, yet in a higher, more feminine tone. "Just feels...so good!"

* * *

AN: I really hope that Cooked!Sue is a trope. Anyway, a human Teekl is an homage to the fic "Stephanie Brown's College Edition Guide to Wizards" by Epic Mickeygirl.

Can the curse on Black Canary ever be broken? Will Artemis find true love?


	4. A Little Brain Mashing

Once again, this is my break from more serious writing.

* * *

"I've changed my mind," Artemis paced back in forth in her cell, stroking the patch of blonde hair on her chin, which was still to small to form a beard. The hormones in the water had done wonders for her appearance. Soon, her body might transform; she might as well start by calling herself Apollo.

If kissing Black Canary wouldn't help her escape prison, maybe she could get kicked out for being a man. Her former team would probably rejoice and assault her new male body if she continued drinking the prison water.

Jade yawned, tired from almost a year of this fanfic not being updated, "Artemis, we were never meant to be. I can't even find stories that ship us. It…just never caught on."

"I know…" Artemis looked away, her bottom lip turning into a shaky pout. "I must have been desperate to go for you..." Something inside of Artemis ruptured, oozing the dizzy daydreams of prison love into nonexistence. Their relationship could and should never have gone from a joke into reality.

"Excuse me, sis?" Jade flung herself off of her bed, pining her sister against the wall. "Desperate to go for me? I could have had Red Tornado."

"Even Dinah in bird monster form is hotter..." Artemis sneered back without trying to fight off Jade.

Instead of strangling the blonde and using her body as a sacrifice to Klarion like any good novice practitioner in the black arts, Jade slapped Artemis...without pulling her into a heated kiss that could rival the intensity of two burning, crimson suns mashing together. The sisters' former passion, only hinted and ship-teased in earlier chapters would never be unleashed. Once again, Artemis felt like the lost, troubled girl, who had been abandoned by Jade.

"Owwww," Artemis cooed, before remembering that she should attempt canon-like dialogue at least once if she wanted to get paid. "Is that all you've got?" She taunted back, burrowing her eyebrows to challenge her sister in a mutual death-glare match.

"Save that sass for Canary. I have to feed Lian."

Jade relinquished her hold on Artemis, swiftly moving back to her bed to pick up Lian. Even though Jade had never been involved with men...and Roy was most certainly gay. Anyone could have been the father really...Roy, Ollie, Dinah the bird monster, Red Tornado's powertools...even Artemis' bow was a likely candidate. Artemis didn't question the logic of a baby suddenly appearing in Jade's bed.

At least Lian hadn't appeared out of the toilet seat.

Artemis' nerves suddenly flared, her mind returning to thoughts of the rampaging bird monster better known as Black Canary, who could be currently heard squawking and trashing the surrounding cells. The other prisoners might be dying, but Artemis' mind had become entranced by the bird-woman: her black and yellow plumage, the breadth of her wingspan...the way her fishnets accented her claws.

Needless to say, Dinah's claws were well-manicured. Only Artemis, who wasn't vain and could look past the beast, could have noticed that detail.

The blonde bit her lip, her mind brimming with inner turmoil. She could pursue the Canary and possibly find the love of her life tucked underneath those feathers and the prisoners' blood that stained them. The thought was repulsive, but something about it entranced her. She should never have wanted another woman this strongly, this passionately, and this completely. Black Canary might just fulfill her and compliment the archer's personality perfectly. Artemis' trademark sass might just find its match in the chirpy and human-eating personality of Dinah Lance.

"Ohhhhhhh..." Artemis shivered at the thought; the possibility of these foreign feelings being realized could transform her. A kiss wouldn't just change Black Canary. A kiss might just change Artemis' heart.

True love awaited her outside the cell...or just another shanking.

* * *

"Canary..." Artemis whispered, afraid of rejection and not that the bird monster could eat her.

Black Canary cheeped and fluttered her wings, no longer killing random prisoners. The bird was putting on a show for the archer, teasing her by puffing out her chest.

"I...love you."

Artemis looked up at the bird, her eyes widening and pleading for acceptance. Jade had left her; Jade had carved apart Artemis' emotions and crudely left them aside...to be eaten for supper that night.

"Mmmm," Red Tornado, who had now taken to wearing a French maid outfit in her new role as cook, smiled as she tasted Artemis' emotions. The blonde's emotions, which were her former feelings for Jade, had been so strong that they had become solid, edible objects. In some ways, by allowing her fellow prisoners to eat her emotions, Artemis was allowing her former feelings to die. She could move on.

Black Canary ignored the sassy robotic chef, downturning her beak to plant one long, lingering kiss on the archer. Never mind that Artemis' head was currently becoming engulfed in a beak that could kill her. The kiss felt gentle, as if a mutual agreement of trust had formed between the two.

The archer tried nibbling Dinah's beak, but she eventually stopped to let the bird dominate the kiss. That and Dinah's beak was slowly mashing Artemis' brain apart.

Suddenly, Dinah's body shifted back into human-form in a flash of blinding, glitter-exploding light. The eruption of light paralleled Artemis' own eruption of love towards Dinah. It was brilliant and beautiful.

Dinah broke the kiss, standing only an inch or so apart from the archer. "You set me free from my curse, Arty. I'm human now."

"Oh," Artemis sighed, pulling away. This was awkward... "I don't think I like you now that you're not in bird form..."

"What are you saying?" Canary's eyes were on the verge of tears.

"I..."

"Just say it. I thought you loved me."

"I...I will tell you in the next chapter."

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AN: I was surprised that this fic kept getting faves/alerts/hits (I will question your sanity just as much as I question my own) :p

Anyways, I didn't do it this chapter, but should I reference or parody any Young Justice tropes/pairings/other fics in the next chapter? Reviews help/fuel my attention-seeking personality (lol).


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